Hypocrisy, guilt, and change

We're back from our week long vacation and even before that I was not really updating regularly, or at least it feels like a long time. Perhaps it's just because so much has been happening both internally and externally.

Do you believe in genuine epiphanies? Do you believe that a light can just come on in your head and suddenly you can see? Then without knowing how you got there, looking around and taking a step forward.

Recently it occurred to me that we talk so much about how we should eat and what we believe, as if verbal reinforcement would somehow magically make it manifest in our daily lives, but really we're continuing on the path of old habits. Everyday. We say it will be different tomorrow or when we're less busy. Not true. It's the same. We're never less busy. We operate in busy and busier.

Essentially, we are being extremely hypocritical and indulging in some perverse cycle of personal guilt. While I do believe that verbal reinforcement can be helpful, it's not helpful at all if there is no relevant and supportive action taken. Action is absolutely necessary. It is the practice of the belief, and it is the thing that will solidify change.

After speaking with Robert about this over Chick-fil-a nuggets and sauce (UGH), he agreed with me and we decided that after returning home from vacation with family, we'd stop this cycle of behavior. Vacation is not really a good time to start battling your weaknesses head on, especially when your family is not aware of your food and health aspirations. I knew funnel cake, monkey bread, Mac & Manco pizza, etc. would be calling me name throughout the whole duration of our trip. Not only is it appealing to my taste buds, it's also "tradition". Breaking with tradition is on another level right now.

Although, as the week progressed we became more and more excited about not eating the foods we had been eating. We rode our bicycles everywhere, went for long walks, and swam in the ocean. If we had been eating healthfully, imagine how great we would have felt! Instead, we frequently had headaches, felt irritable, and I had three episodes. In one week. Still, we had a good time and thought a lot about the challenges to come.

Yesterday when we arrived home, I cleaned out everything in our kitchen that we are uncomfortable with consuming (partially hydrogenated oil, high fructose corn syrup, etc.) There was not as much as I thought there would be, which was a pleasant surprise. Eventually we plan to do away with white rice and pasta to be replaced by whole grains, but frankly we can't afford to not eat what we have at the moment.

It's okay. One step at a time.